Ravishment

Ravishment / rape-play/ consensual non-consent. It's not everyone's kink.

I don't mean for this post to trigger anything with anyone who has had the misfortune of experiencing sexual assault. As a woman who loves this type of play I'm going to discuss it a bit.

Do I want actual rape? Good lord no! But it's a fantasy, a sick fantasy that plays into my 'fighting submissive' tendencies. It's safe to play out the fantasy with someone I trust and love as much as Sir.

Safety is a huge part of this. I feel safe with Sir. I know I can stop everything in a second by safe-wording; I'll get cuddled and we'll talk through my feelings or I'll get space as I need it. I know Sir isn't about to hurt me, there isn't any anger focused at me, we're playing roles.

What do I find attractive about ravishment? I like the amount of physical force used, the particular brand of dirty talk that comes with it, the moments I feel so desperately weak are very cathartic for me. The fantasy also taps into an interesting ego trip - I'm that attractive and desirable that Sir has to demand my attention right at that moment. No matter how I 'feel' or how much I 'protest' and 'fight' that he is willing to overpower me and have me.

Is he actually raping me? Far from it, it's just fun to act every now and again. 'Submissive' is a real part of my personality, 'rape victim' is a role (acting!) I choose to take on every now and again for our mutual enjoyment. I know the idea of taking on 'rape victim' as a role for enjoyment seems pretty disturbing. An interesting comparison would be dressing up as a serial killer for Halloween and hitting your friends with the fake plastic knife you got with your costume. Does the costume, dark jokes, and moments of pretend make you a legendary fictional serial killer? Hardly. It's fun to play a disturbing role sometimes, even if you find the real-life act to be completely detestable.

Ravishment is where sexual objectification, violence, humiliation and degradation all come to a peak for me and I enjoy it. There is also a relief for me if I eventually start to 'give in' to his attentions. (Do you have any idea how hard it is not to enthusiastically thrust back while having sex in a scene like this?!) If I do 'give in' and 'begin' to enjoy it, it feels like this amazing rush of pure animalistic lust because I've just fully given in the sensation regardless of context. It's like plunging into cold water it's such a rush.

Sir is always very tender with me afterward, making sure I'm ok, that I liked it. A lot of cuddling and generally being cute ensures.

The Dom/me is doing the scene for mutual enjoyment by playing the selfish bastard role. I'm impressed by Dom/mes who engage in ravishment. I can't imagine the courage that must take not be paralyzed by concern not to harm, to somehow make it work.

After the first time Sir and I played with this fantasy I felt so loved and safe that he was willing to do this with me. He trusted me enough to know my own boundaries (and that I'd enforce them) just as much as I trusted him not to really hurt me. It was a great experience.

A lot of people take issue with ravishment, even within the bdsm community. It's dangerous? A bit, but a lot of activities we take part in are dangerous. Bondage/beatings gone wrong anyone? You're just that much more careful about making it work and that everyone is safe and enjoys themselves.

Poor you...

Rawr.

I had an interesting discussion today about women in the Middle East. It ended up with "They shouldn't submit to their Husbands, they need to be calling the shots... and if they don't want that they're brainwashed."
You can see what about this ruffled my feathers beyond a lack of understanding and tolerance of other cultures and other ways of doing things. It's this assumption that people need to all be leaders, in charge. I understand and support choice to follow that but... everyone needs to be this way?

I wonder what people would say if I came out. If I openly confessed to how I'm comfortable showing my adoration? What would they all say if I confessed that as an adult I have an enforced bedtime on weekdays? How would they react if they knew how much I fantasized about focusing a lot of my energy on things for his comfort and pleasure?

Would I be considered sick, helpless, brainwashed?

For the life of me I can't understand why aggression and dominance is a 'must have' skill. What about the ease of a submissive, a supportive person? (Not saying that aggression and dominance are married. Just stating I find the expectation equally frustrating.). I've always felt better in the 'support'/secondary role. Leading stresses me out to be honest. I excel under good leadership. I'm an introvert and very introspective, leadership and aggression are not things I enjoy. For every leader and dominant personality you need the complimentary part. If everyone is a leader problems arise - the phrase "too many chefs in the kitchen" comes to mind.

I've found myself in my vulnerability, my submission, my 'support' role. I'm happier now that I'm not feeling the pressure to be unnaturally aggressive. I prefer soft and yielding and always have. Due to the valued characteristics in our society (and those out there ready to take advantage) I've puffed myself up to be 'lil miss aggressive bitch'. Slowly (it's a process let me tell you) letting go of that lets me feel free and Earthy. I feel peaceful, I know who I am.

I'm the girl who likes cooking and crafts. I'm the girl who loves Asian romance movies and all things vintage and 1950s-pin-up. I watch an obscene amount of horror movies, pretend to be brave, then snuggle in close at night when I get scared. I watch cartoons and find them just as amusing as I did when I was 10. I love dresses and the 'classic' look. I'm a book worm and news junkie.

I'm the girl that wants to make sure my significant other is as comfortable as can be. I want to provide him with intelligent conversation; I want to stimulate him. I want him to ravish me without a seconds notice; I want to inspire that animalisitc lust. I want him to discipline me when I need it. I want to not fear being weak and vulnerable to him. I want a man I can look up to and rely upon for honest communication. I want him to laugh with me and cuddle and talk total nonsense. I want to be the warm, soft, and amusing character he can relax with. This is how I show my love - obedience, emotion, my drive to please.

Brainwashed? No. In tune to myself is more like it.
Helpless? Only to the respectable man I've promised to obey.
Sick? My temperature is just fine thank you.

Done rambling, I have chocolate flavored coffee to attend to and a copy of 'The Graduate' I've oddly never seen.

Undercover Masochism

I'm a masochist. Pain? Yes please!

I love the endorphin high; pain forces me to be in the moment, and it's enjoyable for that reason.

Interestingly enough I've always loved a certain amount of discomfort, not always the face-slapping kind mind you. I love spicy food, the hotter the better. The more it makes me sweat the more in love I am. (Knowing this Sir is going to eventually hide the cayenne pepper from me when I cook.) It's that discomfort that makes me enjoy it so.
Of course it doesn't stop there - bitter, sour, and an obscene amount of salt. I have no issue sipping straight apple cider vinegar. I've always downed pickle juice like it was no one's business, and I love the salt brine from green olives. Yum! I've just given away all of my favorite snack foods.

On the flip side I've never cared much for sweet things. I don't much care for cake, ice cream (sorbet is another story), candy (except ultra and dark bitter chocolate), and other sugary things. If I do get a sweet treat I desire the 'sweet' to be very subtle.

I wonder if my odd collection of tastes is really some undercover masochism.

Benevolent Dictatorship?

There is a simple reason I use the phrase 'benevolent dictatorship' to describe my relationship - it's the most accurate and it paints an amusing picture.

What is a benevolent dictatorship?
In simple terms, it's a form of non-democratic government with power and rule in the hands of one person. The key word here is benevolent. Said leader uses their power to improve the lives of those that they rule. While it is not democratic, the leader may choose to seek feedback from their people via referendum.

Take this idea down to a relationship level and this is what I'm enjoying.

For the good of the people he rules:
Sir is 'the boss', the man in charge. At the same time he is what I consider a mentoring figure, parental in nature, and maybe a 'service master'. Sure I clean and cook for him, sex on demand, and try my best not to be argumentative (although that's never perfect), but I get something very important out of this. - the chance to observe. I respect him greatly and he's a role model - calm and collected, intelligent and cultured, down to earth and a dark sense of humor. I am fulfilled by serving but I'm also learning new and positive behaviors.

He works with me on my, admittedly, overly emotional behavior. He strongly encourages my pursuit of education. He's teaching me to achieve a sort of balance and I've already noticed improvement. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he also instructs me on how to please him sexually (he's not entirely selfless you know). He's improving me in ways we don't normally consider in D/s relationships. It's that lovey, mushy side of D/s. Whips and chains are alright in my book but I love this other dimension as well.

It's also important to note that he allows me to serve. Sir is a very independent man, accepting that I want to fetch him things hasn't been the easiest thing in the world. That fact that he recognizes this need of mine and has made efforts to accept it has certainly made me feel quite blessed.

Referendums?
I have a voice and Sir recognizes my opinions and concerns. Sir has never taken away my right to hold an opinion he doesn't agree with; he encourages civil discussion. If he's looking to try something new he generally lets me know and asks for my thoughts. What he does with my suggestions and concerns is up to him. I have a great deal of trust in him so I'm not very concerned about being pushed off a cliff anytime soon. Plus, he's more cautious than I am.


Oh, and one more thing. I think Sir gets a small kick out of being called a dictator... especially when we're teasing and harassing each other.